When Depression Shows Up As Anger

I’ve been irritable these past few days.  I am not usually the moody type.  I’m noticing that everybody is irritating and I have only negative things to say about people or anything really.  I will scroll through Instagram and think how fake everything is.  How nobody can REALLY be that happy but what I think annoys me the most is that I am not happy.  So I hate everyone and avoid talking to people unless it’s someone else I can complain with.

I am fully aware now that this is my defense mechanism coming out.  When I am feeling my best I really do like chatting with people because I feel like it opens up my world to unfamiliar things I wouldn’t know otherwise unless someone else brought it up.  Or, I’ll find someone who I have things in common with so I feel like I am not so alone in the world.

Depression is an ugly reality that I have had to learn how to cope with but sometimes I don’t even realize it is my depression talking and not the real me. It has made me push almost everyone away so nobody can get too close and hurt me.  It has been my wall that I put up and only when I feel safe do I let it come down, but not completely.

The holidays are coming up and I think it largely has to do with what I am feeling now.  I have decided I am going to do my best and turn these negative feelings around this time.  This cycle has been going on for too long.  Every year when the holidays come around I complain about how much I hate them and I get moody.  This year I am going to do my best and be positive and uplifting about the holidays.  Need to focus on the positive and not the negative.  There are a lot of things to be grateful for.  Does this ever happen to you around this time of year?  I would love to know if others are struggling and what they do to help make this time of year the best they can.

10 thoughts on “When Depression Shows Up As Anger

  1. There are times when we need to get into the difficult feelings, that are there maybe in our psyche from the childhood even, in order to feel them fully. This is the necessary part of getting better. Once we have done this we may find ourselves in the down, unpleasant, ‘moody’ state. When there is nothing more to gain from staying in this state, it is most helpful to choose positive and lift ourselves up. To remind ourselves that we matter, that we are important, valuable and that we deserve better.


  2. I feel you. I too often let any overwhelming feelings come out as anger. The other day in the car I realized it had been a good week (or was it 2) that I had been a raging b… So I forced myself to smile. I argued with myself for a while how ridiculous it was, my fake smiling, but how it is proven to be affective, and I can do-this, Only I can make myself feel this way.. Yada yada.
    But I guess it worked! I even finally went and got a tree for the kids to decorate and have been genuinely smiling. I hope your spirits stay lifted for the holidays!


  3. Ever since my mom padre on December 31,2016 life hasn’t been the same . Last Christmas I felt I faked myself entirely , I did this because I was hurt that my mom wasn’t here and the memories that kept popping in my head were of the prior year when she was slowly passing in my home . New Year’s Eve came and I just wanted to cry in my room and be left alone, it was hard especially since she passed a day before my birthday . I tried to be happy especially for my kids and husband and then I had a dream of my mom telling me to snap out of it . This year I decided to celebrate what life has given me .. health .. my children .. my family and appreciate all the memories my mom has left me . So what helps me get through this time of year is taking a look at what I have been blessed with holding on to that beautiful feeling it gives me in my heart .


    1. That must be hard to feel like you can’t express grief or sadness. It’s ok to feel these ways. Those emotions need to be processed or they can weigh us down.
      I’m trying to learn gratitude myself and I’m happy it’s helping you through these difficult times!


  4. I have always been A HUGE Holiday person… Lately I have been saying similar things…. I didnt look forward to Thanksgiving my Birthday and now Christmas.. I have said “whatever it doesnt matter its just another Day” then I feel on those days as if im just waiting for someone to attack me with their words…… go figure I was right … on two accounts…. I guess I have to wait for Christmas to find out if there is a 3rd…….. My depression has me locked in a room … crying but with no emotion…… My dog has been my only emotion.. and the few people I do reach out to … that actually reach out to me …… I hold really close in my heart…..

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