I’ve been irritable these past few days. I am not usually the moody type. I’m noticing that everybody is irritating and I have only negative things to say about people or anything really. I will scroll through Instagram and think how fake everything is. How nobody can REALLY be that happy but what I think annoys me the most is that I am not happy. So I hate everyone and avoid talking to people unless it’s someone else I can complain with.
I am fully aware now that this is my defense mechanism coming out. When I am feeling my best I really do like chatting with people because I feel like it opens up my world to unfamiliar things I wouldn’t know otherwise unless someone else brought it up. Or, I’ll find someone who I have things in common with so I feel like I am not so alone in the world.
Depression is an ugly reality that I have had to learn how to cope with but sometimes I don’t even realize it is my depression talking and not the real me. It has made me push almost everyone away so nobody can get too close and hurt me. It has been my wall that I put up and only when I feel safe do I let it come down, but not completely.
The holidays are coming up and I think it largely has to do with what I am feeling now. I have decided I am going to do my best and turn these negative feelings around this time. This cycle has been going on for too long. Every year when the holidays come around I complain about how much I hate them and I get moody. This year I am going to do my best and be positive and uplifting about the holidays. Need to focus on the positive and not the negative. There are a lot of things to be grateful for. Does this ever happen to you around this time of year? I would love to know if others are struggling and what they do to help make this time of year the best they can.