What is the line between being selfish or taking care of myself?

Once I had a child, I learned very quickly that my life no longer revolved around just myself. With that being said, my son is now two and a half and I have been adjusting on how to live without forgetting who I am besides a mother. It’s a constant struggle between spending time with my family and taking time for just myself. Recently, I have realized that I am a free spirit and I like to live my life how I want to and not based on someone else’s opinion.

Everyday I strive to be a better person than I was the day before. I believe striving to be the best version of myself helps me be a better mother, daughter, friend, girlfriend, etc… The problem is, not everybody in my close circle are supportive of my beliefs. It takes time for me to take care of myself, but how do I know how much time is too much? It takes time for me to study for college, exercise to keep my body and mind sane, spend time with the few friends I do have, maintain personal care, see a therapist once a week, and now starting this blog. Having any mental illness makes self-care even more of a priority because it is easy to go down that rabbit hole when you don’t feel great about yourself.

Apparently, I am selfish, as I’ve been told because I don’t think of other’s time and I am always leaving my family to do my own thing. Instead of being supportive of me maintaining my health and sanity, I get nothing but criticism. Am I surrounded by toxic people who want to see me fail? Am I being guilted to believe I am spending too much on myself? Or am I really just being selfish and not thinking enough about the people around me?

6 thoughts on “What is the line between being selfish or taking care of myself?

  1. I sooo relate to this! If I’m being understanding I try to see it’s because others want my company and feel alone/abandoned but I’m tired of the guilt trip. As an introvert (INFP) who’s been starved of alone time for far too long trying to look after a sick partner and our 5 year old son, it’s taken a breakdown of sorts for me to say enough. It’s hard for extroverts to understand the fundamental need for time alone and the impact of not having it. I become so angry and defensive, I’m horrible to be around.
    You sound like you’re doing a lot. Trying hard to be the best person you can be. How many people can say that?
    You know how much alone time you need for yourself so I’d encourage you to take as much as you can (which will probably be far short of what you need) – you’ll feel so much better for it.


    1. Sometimes it takes a breakdown in order to clearly see what our true self wants. You are so right, it’s hard for extroverts to understand that some ppl, including myself, need lots of alone time to decompress from the day and all this stimuli.


  2. I too get guilted with this . If I go to my husbands hometown to visit my father in law in the nursing home and no one else then I’m selfish ?! I hate that because I chose to not visit everyone on that one day that I am labeled “selfish” “inconsiderate” etc. It’s almost a 2 hour drive , that 3.5-4 hours of just driving and I’m expected to visit 3-4 different families everytime I go ? I feel so much pressure and that’s why I sometimes chose not to go at all. If I don’t call my brothers at least every other day or invite them over when we decide to bbq dinner I’m also labeled selfish … like I said it’s so much pressure on me and I’m trying to make everyone happy but it’s hard . I just want some me time where I can do what i want without being judged .


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