I posted What is the line between being selfish or taking care of myself? And have given it much thought. Selfish of me would be to eat all the cookies so nobody else can have one (guilty!🙋🏻♀️), taking care of myself is loving myself and putting myself first. I’ve been taken advantaged of a lot in the past because I was such a people pleaser. I would feel so guilty for saying no to people that I cared about. I would be the one who was always there for you, hoping I would be loved in return. I was searching for acceptance and somewhere I felt I belonged but I always came up empty. I was naive to think that people would care about me like I cared about them. It’s still hard for me to accept that someone REALLY loves me for me.
After a lot of soul searching, I came to the realization that I needed to love me before anybody else will. I don’t need to pretend to be somebody I’m not just to please others. I need to be happy with who I am before I can be happy with anyone else. I need to love myself enough to stick up for my beliefs and feelings before I can defend anyone else. I need to love myself enough to not give up my energy to people who don’t deserve it. Nobody else will fight for me as hard as I can fight for myself. Instead of worrying about how to fix other people’s problem, now I try and focus only on my own problems before I can try to help anyone else. It’s easier to try and fix other people’s problems instead of my own but I don’t run away from my problems anymore. I cannot be afraid of saying “no” to someone because I want to be accepted and feel like I’m worth something. I accept myself and don’t need any validation outside of myself. I am worthy on my own. I am a good person. I love me.
I still struggle with this mindset after being a people pleaser most of my life but every time I put myself first it gets just a little easier. Most people do not like when I put myself first and call me selfish but that’s ok. I have to be my own advocate because nobody else will.
I have been taken advantaged of by selfish people. Not anymore. I live on my terms and if somebody doesn’t like it then that is their problem, not mine.