I’m fed up. I’m fed up with people who don’t fully support me and my goals. I’m fed up with fighting for time to accomplish these goals. Procrastinating to self-sabotage. On top of that I know these voices in my head lie and I’m fighting these negative thoughts. They remind me I still have lots of healing to do. I refuse to continue to let them have any power over me. I will continue the fight. I may have lost some battles but I will not lose the war. Every time I hear the words “I can’t” I fight back with “I will”. I know it’s going to take a lot of work but I have no doubt I will heal these inner wounds and come out stronger.
Recently realizing I was raised by a strong woman has confirmed I was born a fighter. My mother immigrated from Guatemala at the age of 13. She tells me she didn’t want to come, she wanted to stay in school for graphic design. However, mi abuela had different plans in mind for my mom. She wanted my mom to come to America and work. She refused to enroll my mother in school. The only child she enrolled in a private school was my uncle. My aunt and mother were here to work and not get an education in my grandmother’s eyes. In her eyes women didn’t need an education and only needed a good man to support them while they stay home barefoot and pregnant. Mi abuela found her a man to take care of her and under no circumstances did she leave him. Not after his many affairs with other women. Not even after the terrible things he did to my mother and I.
My mother never had emotional and mental support so she was not capable of giving me the support I needed as a child. I am here to break that cycle that has been passed down generations. She never gave up on me or herself even after being beaten down by old school beliefs that a woman needs a man to survive and is nothing without one. I know I get my strength and courage from her. We can all go from surviving to thriving because courage and strength runs through our veins, even if we don’t believe it.
I know for a fact that you too have these qualities in you. You never know how strong you really are until you hit rock bottom and the only way is up. Never give up. To those women and girls who believe this is not true, you have been lied to most of your life. Just because you think you are not worthy, those thoughts are not facts. They are just thoughts. It has taken me many years to realize this to be true. What other people think and what you think are not facts. They are just opinions. Take a step back and dissect these thoughts and opinions. YOU ARE BRAVE. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU GOT THIS.