When something goes “wrong”, we can tend to think that something is “wrong” with ourselves. During these times is when it is important to look inward. A crisis can bring unhealed parts of ourselves to the surface. It can bring up a lot of “bad” feelings” in ourselves such as shame, blame and guilt.
As women, we are raised to feel like we need to give up our identity when becoming a mother. We probably saw our mothers do it. We maybe say we love our moms because she gave up her life to raise us. Nobody ever stopped to think of how much pain that she had to deal with because she felt she can no longer do what she wants to do with her life. She was caged up and made to live a life for others and never herself. She might of felt forced to live by the husband’s rules because she didn’t have enough money to support her and her children on her own. She might of felt stuck like a rock in between a hard place. If a woman was ever brave enough to leave her child’s father, then she could of felt looked down upon and can feel guilt and shame for putting her own happiness above all else.
I believe in getting our needs met and being a good parent at the same time. It sets an example for children that it is ok to get theirs needs met in healthy ways. It is ok to put your happiness above all else. This is an important step in living a happy joyful life. Living a life that you don’t want to live will never bring peace. It can build resentment and regret and our children pick up on this energy and can feel like they are the cause of the parent’s unhappiness. Children learn best by modeling their parent’s behavior and choices in life.
From life experience, I am grateful that my parents never stayed together. As a child I was upset about it and always wanted my father around but everything happens for a reason. I don’t think growing up with a father who suffers from addiction would have helped my life in any way. I’ve had other issues because of his lack of involvement but those are the struggles that have made me into who I am today and I am still working on healing that wound. For that, I am grateful.